the grief rearranged me

the grief rearranged me 
smothered my dna and resurrected me as someone else 

new?
maybe

though it seems as if I am a part now 
of a long line of people
holding hands through history

grief and resurrection wrapped like a thick rope around our waists
school children on their way to wherever they go next 
the safety of numbers
the danger of losing all at once

so maybe not new
but certainly something else 
someone else

the grief comes through
the same as the hope
filtering through cracks in the vase
maybe they are one and the same

could you even tell the difference
when it's shining in your eyes?

it's handfuls of sand 
you could no sooner count them
than you could tell which piece
once belonged to the land and
which floated in the sea

they are both just here
slipping through your fingers