Saturday, December 16, 2023

It's Been a Minute

 I haven't written here in years. I have written much in years. Well, that's not entirely true. I raged in my journal every few months. I participated in a writing mentorship where I...raged in every assignment given to me. My Notes app is filled with paragraphs and one-lines and sometimes even just a few words of, you guessed it, rage. 

My body has carried it in a multitude of ways, as bodies are often want to do. 

The rage and the pain and the grief settled into every part of me. I carry it in my bones, this white hot grief that I could not reconcile or understand no matter how many times I turned it over, examined it, poked at it. 

I resisted it, even as I sank into it. It is not becoming to let rage settle into your being. Women's hearts should be tender and docile, even as they crumble into ash. A Christian woman's heart? Well, forget it. 




"Bear one another's burdens" turns into "bear his burden. bear his anger. bear his sins. Bear it with a smile, because the men are speaking and you are so loud when you exist." 

The last couple (few? five? ten? thirty-five?) years have been...exhausting. Confusing. Devastating. 

Eye opening



I am going to start posting here again, even just for a bit. I'm going to try to not spend too much time editing or perfecting it. Some of it will be things I have written privately over the past few years. Some of it will be new. All of it will be me processing, in all of the messy, broken, beautiful sense of the word. 

I imagine it will be uncomfortable. 


  1. Looking forward to it

  2. As a male former staffer at IHOP-KC, my eyes have never been more open to how vulnerable women are in churches and ministry communities. I have been horrified to see many men writing dismissive and even mocking posts toward the survivors of clergy sexual abuse in our community and I am now realizing how normalized this response is. Men, we need to wake up to how vulnerable women are and we need to empower them and have their backs at all costs. Your wives, daughters, sisters and female friends are all watching you to see if they can trust you in their most painful hour of need. We need to step up and stand beside them, knowing they bear God’s image. We need to stand up to the abuses who use their power against them. I’m so looking forward to your future posts, sister.

  3. We welcome your story!! It will give others courage to tell theirs!