Wednesday, June 10, 2015

Sippy cups are dumb (but I may be dumber)

Last week I decided to buy Matty his first sippy cup. After spending way too much time deciding, I bought a traditional soft spout lid and one with a straw (this is fascinating, right? Please don't leave me). I brought them home, quickly remembered it is literally impossible to teach someone how to drink from a straw ("Just...suck. I DON'T KNOW.") and settled on the spouted lid as his starter cup.

I tore it out of the package and threw the directions away immediately. Directions, are you kidding me? I have three kids, I think I know how a sippy cup works. The thing you do is literally in the name. Sip from this Cup. Give me some credit, please.

Years ago, I would have boiled some water and carefully submerged each piece for a few minutes, then let it air dry, but lately I've watched my son gleefully shove many pieces of old dog food that he found under the table into his mouth. A quick swish around in some tap water and a pat down with paper towel and the cup is good to go. At this point it's all one giant immunity boost. #science

I start offering him the sippy cup. And by "offering" obviously I mean put it on the floor in the middle of his usual path to the dog bowl and figure he'll find it eventually. He does, both on his own and with help from his sister who is constantly trying to shove it in his mouth because he's basically a giant baby doll to her. I watch him test it out, his chubby hands unskillfully swinging it in the direction of his mouth, occasionally hitting his mark but usually smacking himself in the face.

This goes on for a few days. He plays around with the cup, but doesn't seem terribly interested. Each time I go to put fresh water in it I notice that there is barely any missing from the last time I filled it. At this point I'm fairly certain that he'll never accept anything that isn't the pure liquid gold he's used to and I'll be one of those moms nursing a seven year old. I start searching eBay for camping tents that can double as a nursing cover and resign myself to a life of "nurse-ins" at my local Target.

Cut to this week. The kids are in bed and I'm doing the dishes. I grab the sippy cup, covered in blueberries from dinner but still full from when I filled it in the morning. I twist the top off and dunk the whole thing in hot soapy water. I go to push the sponge into the spout and am met with resistance. Resistance from a clear plug. Resistance from a clear plug that has been in there since I tore the cup out of the package, trashed the directions, and haphazardly wiped down before giving to my son. I put the cup back together and tried to drink from it in the hopes that something would come out. Nope, nothing. Zilch.

For days and days, I had been filling up a sippy cup that was literally impossible to drink from. My poor kid gave it a grade A shot, but probably thought his mother just gave him another toy to hit himself in his chubby face with. My super laid back parenting style (re: "lazy") had unintentionally turned me into a water Nazi. No water for you!

I'm patiently waiting for my Mother of the Year Award to come in any day now.

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