The Nightly Routine

Picture this if you would: A rapidly aging mother (who is no longer considered to be in her mid twenties, thanks so much for that heads up, Google) has just gotten all three of her children to bed on a Friday night. The house is quiet. She pours herself a tall bowl of Captain Crunch ('Oops! All Berries.' Because you can take her youth, but you can't take her finely tuned Gilmore Girl-esque palate), sits down to stare blankly at the computer screen write a blog post, content in the knowledge that everyone is asleep and she can push the pause button on the "mother" role for the time being.

A quick side note about above said woman. She is an idiot. After six years and three kids she should know better. Nobody is ever really asleep. Even when they're asleep they're not really asleep.


I present to you:

Reasons My Children Get Out of Bed at Night

   (in no particular order of importance because THEY'RE ALL "IMPORTANT")

• The night light is too bright
• The night light isn't bright enough
• The middle child's pajama shirt "came off" (ie. she unbuttoned each button and took it off herself)
• Their blankets aren't on the bed (...because they insisted they didn't want them on the bed in the first place)
• "I'm not tired! I would like to play instead, please."
• They need a drink of water
• They need to go to the bathroom because they drank water
• They need more water
• Water
• Water
• Water
• They were just out for a leisurely stroll and thought they'd pop by the living room for a chat.
• (Ella) "Mabel won't stop talking!"
• (Mabel) "Ella won't stop telling me to stop talking!"
• They heard a "noise" outside (presumably the sound of my quiet evening hightailing it out the window)