Sunday, February 15, 2015

When Easy Love is Hard

This guy, y'all. I have loved this guy for ten quick years.

Besides breathing, I have never done anything for ten years. And even that I can only manage to do because I don't have to think about it (except now. Now I'm thinking about it).

Loving this man has been the easiest and hardest thing I've ever done. Easiest because he is a good man. Like, saint level good. He is kind and faithful, a top level dad, funny, and has a legendary heart. The smartest thing I ever did as a seventeen year old was say yes to an ice cream date that lasted for four hours while I waited for him to tell me what his mom, my mom, and four of our friends had already told me. He has loved me fiercely and without doubt or hesitation. To be loved like that, to be loved Right, is the easiest thing I've ever done.

Except when its the hardest. Hardest because...well, being loved by someone who loves you Right is sometimes hard. Its hard because it shakes you to your core. It cracks you open and scoops out your insides. And in the midst of those soul altering, heart eye emoji moments, you're also faced with vulnerability. And selfishness. And greed. Or at least I am. I've got those in spades (cause I'm a GEM). And being loved by this man means I have to deal with those things. I have to face them and cut them down so that they don't cut us down. Sometimes I get it right. Sometimes I destroy those death bombs quick like I am freaking Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. Most times, though? Most times I kick and scream my way through that nonsense (again, see above, "GEM"). I have to die to my selfishness, my greed. I have to be vulnerable in an Earth shattering, terrifying way. I have, have, have to, or else the Right is wasted. It's wasted on a shallow, petty recipient. And that would be harder to bear than the hardest.

I have been loved by this guy for ten quick years. And it has made all the difference.

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